Skinny Minnie, Toothpick, Pencil, (or my personal favorite) Bean Pole.....You can't call me anything I haven't already been called

The truth must come out....I eat one doughnut a week...a crueller.

If there was a Krispy Kreme near my house, I couldn't be held accountable for the multiple dozens of heavenly, sweet, glazed yeast "HOT DOUGHNUTS NOW" that I would eat. I think consuming one dozen KK’s in one sitting is my record. I wanted to open a Krispy Kreme franchise, but Big Daddy wouldn’t let me because he knew I would literally eat up the profits. I could go on and on about my other favorite doughnuts: lemon-filled, chocolate covered custard filled, and the cinnamon twist, but I don’t really want to write a doughnut dissertation. (At least not today anyway.)

But I do feel the need to set the record straight about how much I eat (or don’t eat) and the issue of weight in general. First, I don’t own a scale. My mother never owned a scale. Weight was never discussed when I was growing up. We ate what was healthy. My mother made rice and cornbread every night.

No, I do not have an eating disorder, as many have speculated over my lifetime. My mother never rewarded us with food. She never punished us with food. I always eat what I want when I want. I just don’t want it that often. Food is a means to an end. If that means fried okra or cruellers, so be it.

The real truth is (don't hate me) that I have a very fast metabolism. It was a gift from my mama. Thank you Mama. I am forever grateful.

Food is just an evil necessity to me. In high school, I remember wishing that there was something else to eat besides food. Like some scientist needed to invent something other than food to eat. Or not eat. Nutrition through osmosis, perhaps. Or vitamin-filled oxygen…..breathe deeply.

Do you stress eat? Not me. I stress fast. If I’m upset about something, my stomach gets so upset that I can’t eat anything. Except Ritz crackers. The day I can’t be soothed by a Ritz cracker will be a ---well, let’s just say I don’t want to even imagine what kind of day that would be.

I don’t plan for eating, and certainly not for cooking. I don’t think about food unless my stomach is growling. I don’t have that “It’s lunch time, so we must eat lunch” syndrome. I just graze. If I’m hungry, I might make a peanut butter fold-over or have a little cheese and crackers. Or applesauce.

And grocery shopping? Can’t stand it. I HAVE to wait until I’m hungry before I go to the grocery store or I won’t buy anything. One year, when I was shopping for the big Thanksgiving meal, I had to call Craftier from the detergent aisle of the grocery store to get some moral support to get through my list. The sheer volume of the food in my basket was overwhelming me, and I had 5 more things on my list. The shopping cart was almost too heavy for me to push. I promise it weighed more than I did (but like I said before, I don’t have a scale, so I have no idea how much that would be).

Big Daddy wouldn’t take me anywhere internationally for the longest time. He swore I would starve to death if we left US soil. “They won’t serve peanut butter or crackers. You will have to try the native cuisine.” Once I found out that almost every single culture serves beans, rice or pasta, I convinced him I would survive.

I don’t want to mislead you………I do exercise. Exercise makes me feel good. After I get out of the shower each day, I wrap my wet hair in a towel, put on my foundation garments, and lay on the floor in my bedroom to do 40 crunches and “6 inches”……remember that old exercise from junior high PE class?? You lie on the floor and lift your straight legs off the floor 6 inches and hold it. Then release and repeat. And I walk, but only when it’s over 70 degrees outside, and not every day even then.

If you really want to lose weight, I’ve found that having many of your teeth removed is effective …...just kidding!!……..after my oral surgery that removed 3 molars, I have found that I eat slower and even less. I slurp most of my calories these days (and counting calories and carbs? I'd rather do statistics all day than to figure out how many grams of fat are in a serving of anything.)

Seriously though, I can promise you one thing...……if Food Network is tuned on the TV at my house, it’s probably because they are making doughnuts.